CDprincess

OMG! It's actually happening! I have an appointment to start HRT! This has been a crazy roller coaster ride and things are starting to happen fast. I think I've been in straight euphoria for a few days now. I'm 38 years old and have known since I was 11 that I wanted to be a woman. Several times in my life I've tried to go this route but enviably got scared. I've pushed away people close to me moved half way across the country and nothing ever changed. I told myself 12 years ago that i would be honest with my next relationship. To this i was somewhat. I told my now wife i liked to crossdresser. To my surprise she was ok with it, even did my makeup. Then for along time i just stopped or didn't include her i should say. Still times would come up spontaneously were i would dress. (Mainly when work would require me to shave) 12 years would pass stuck in what seemed like an eternity. I got complacent just going to work everyday having a decent job. With that I've been miserable! Well something snapped recently and i couldn't be happier! My job for most of this year has been sending me to work out of state. At first all I could do was think about how much I hated it, and i know this might sound crazy but being away from home, from my wife was very hard. In our entire relationship we'd only ever spent 1 week apart and now I'm spending a good portion of the year away! After a few of these trips i started to internalize my thoughts self reflect if you will. The feminine side to me started eating at me hard. Soon even home i began thinking very hard about transitioning, but brushed it off. I missed my chance I thought, I'm too old, how can I make a living, how much harder will this make day to day life. All these things cross my mind. While many of these will remain issues I'm sure, i just don't care I'm doing this and those roads will be crossed when i get there! Why? Because i was miserable and would rather face them then continue living in pain! Now to the part that made me figure this out! A few weeks before my latest business trip my wife and I were at a close friends house. Our friends daughter had a a sleep over. One of the girls at this sleep over was Trans. The sad part her parents wouldn't acknowledge this, made her use male pronouns, live life as a male! This little girl still lived her truth despite her home life! My friend who played a great host respected her, saw her for who she is, and educated others about her gender. This was so profoundly amazing to me! Not only did this girl have the courage to live her truth but did it in an unaccepting household. I wish i had 1/10 the courage this girl had! This child and my friends unwavering acceptance of her showed me not only can i too have courage despite how rooted my male life may be, but i also have a close ally! With that last weekend (admittedly while drinking) i told this friend i was trans showed her a picture of me dressed. This was scary and not planned what do ever. She was so supportive and that feeling Sent me down this euphoric path. This interaction then gave me courage and well last night I told my wife I was Trans, and that i wanted to start taking hormones and transition! She was very accepting of my confession. That leads us to now. I booked an appointment to start HRT. The consultation is tomorrow and I'm so nervous! Also nervous to tell my wife when she's off work! My plan is to continue to use this space as a continued journal of my Transition. Thank you for your support and i look forward to sharing my journey with everyone!